Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
I don't personally know of a source for tabling resources, and what constitutes "poly basics" tends to be a matter of opinion. But, I'll try to share some of the basics as I understand them.
Polyamory is (the ability/inclination to practice, and/or the actual instance of) (a) romantic arrangement/s or configuration/s involving three or more adults, with the knowledge and consent of all involved. It is one subset of responsible non-monogamy (a.k.a. open relationships).
A few recommended poly-related books are:
- "Opening Up: a guide to creating and sustaining open relationships," by Tristan Taormino.
- "The Ethical Slut: a guide to infinite sexual possibilities," by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt.
- "Sex at Dawn: how we mate, why we stray, and what it means for modern relationships," by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá.
- "Polyamory: the new love without limits," by Deborah Anapol.
- "The Polyamorists Next Door: inside multiple-partner relationships and families," by Elisabeth Sheff.
- "Polyamory: roadmaps for the clueless and hopeful," by Anthony Ravenscroft.
- "The Monogamy Myth: a personal handbook for recovering from affairs," by Peggy Vaughan.
- "Open: love, sex, and life in an open marriage," by Jenny Block.
A few recommended poly-related movies are:
- "December Bride" (1990).
- "A Small Circle of Friends" (1980).
- "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" (2008).
- "Paint Your Wagon" (1969).
- "Bandits (2001).
A few helpful web pages are:
A few poly-friendly dating sites:
Resources for finding local poly groups:
People often ask how you deal with jealousy and here are some web pages to help:
And some general poly guidelines I have heard of are:
- Communicate; communicate; communicate.
- Total openness, honesty, and transparency.
- Careful empathy, respect, and objectivity.
- Wait on the knowledge and consent of all concerned.
- New relationships only when existing relationships are secure.
- New relationships only if they benefit existing relationships.
- Move at the pace of the slowest person.
Not every polyamorist/poly unit has "rules," but if you do, make sure everyone understands and agrees, and stick to them. Be ready and willing to renegotiate from time to time, but don't stray from whatever the rules are at the moment. Remember, asking permission ahead of time is a lot easier than having to beg for forgiveness after the fact.
When communicating, seek to constantly improve the way you communicate, and that especially includes improving the way you listen.
Take nothing for granted. Get confirmation. Never assume something's obvious!
Beware ... beware ... beware of NRE!
The above may give you a place to start and I can probably direct you to more info if you have specific questions. Also, please read as much as you can right here on Polyamory.com, and post to get more feedback.
Glad you could join us.
Kevin T., "official greeter"
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