Lobe is visiting on Friday. Four sleeps, four sleeps! I am continuously finding myself tangled up with lust over him, like my paths are strewn with fishing nets. This desire? I cannot ignore or evade, it catches my ankles if I try to run.
He just texted me, as I typed the above. Evidently having booked flights:
"Btw, Friday, 8pm, I'm in [the city I live in]"
"Friday, 9pm, I'm in you"
Ah, fuck... I keel.
It's only been a week since I last saw him. (I was visiting last weekend, and I left on the Monday). Jesus! So frantic. I didn't think I had the time or energy for this. How is the rest of my life not suffering?
And yet, it's enabling me. Like how a workshift can invigorate the 'free time' of your day. Like eggwhites, I'm folding this energy into my other passions. A delicate business. I'm hopeful.
I want to be strong enough for this, productive enough to deserve the downtime. I don't want to abandon my own projects. But it doesn't feel like that kind of dynamic, anyway. Lobe, Grotto, Ocean have their own interests, the machines they tinker away at. Yes, play time together can sometimes distract, but in the end we respect and give support to each other's pursuits. Y'know, how friendship works