Originally Posted by KatTails
How are you doing tonight with him out with J? How were you able to become friends with her? I have tried again and again with my husbands girlfriend and we are good for a little bit, we talk, I feel like we agree on things - then things fall apart, mainly on my end. I do like her. I think she is a nice person who genuinely loves my husband - but then there is a part of me that still resents her for coming on to him in the first place, for thinking she knows him so well and for knowingly hurting me. We take one step forward and about 10 steps back. We are actually going to go out this weekend just her and I to try to get to know each other better and to hopefully talk some things through. I am nervous though. She really intimidates me and makes me feel insecure. Like she has some kind of power that I don't. How do you do it?
We started talking a little before I found out they were in love. We had many one on one chats by msn and texts. Two of our threesomes haappened before I knew the truth to it all. That really hurt. They had broken a very important rule about leaving me out. But the week I found I shut her out of my life completely. I erased her from all friends lists and took out her phone number. It was like she never existed to me. I did the whole demanding he never see her again. They work together so I insisted thhey never be alone at work. That of course never worked. It only encouraged him lying to me and me watching his every move. I did purposely read his phone when he wasn't looking and found he asked her for time and they would hopefully be together again soon. He even has a pet name for J. It is kitten. I hate that she haas a pet name. Reading those texts after I said he was to never contact her again was like the ice cold water waashing over me. It stung and I shook violently but I saw the light more clearly. I reapproached him and offered himan open relationship. He never really asked me for one or suggested it. But he often talked about how J and her husband were openand how great that was. I knew through those talks he needed this.
I threw her a nasty email. About how she betrayed my trust about the threesomes after everything we discussed. She never defended herself, just took it. After anothher week of anger and tears even after giving him the open relationship things were getting worse. It finally hit me one morning as I was curled ina ball in my bed dying from the pain the only way to make things easier was to be her friend for him, at least pretend. So J and I talked and talked and talked and talked. We met up in person and talked some more. She is back in my phone and friends lists. After each night with him she checks on me.it took sso much time to rebuild trust with her. I still have my issues. But we are all three very open now and hold nothing back.
Meeting with her is really a great idea. It will get everything outon the table. Don't be afraid to tell her she is moving too fast and needs to back off a little. She needs to know her place with u as well as with him.
I am off to bed now KT. Goodnight and good luck.