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Old 01-18-2014, 07:40 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Hi there, and welcome!

You do know the other part of that saying "curiosity killed the cat," right? It's this:

Curiosity killed the cat,
but satisfaction brought him back.

Well... I disagree with some of what Mags posted above. I don't think what you want is that uncommon or strange - nor difficult to achieve, especially since it is usually much easier for a poly woman to find partners than it is for poly men. As one straight woman who is only interested in dating straight men to another, I can't get on board with seeing it as that tall of an order (it did sound like a rather bleak forecast to me, and I was surprised by that). I say, YES, it is possible.

However, if you want to meet straight men for a potentially polyfidelitous (what you meant when you said "all monogamous to each other") vee, you just have to realize that the commitment to polyfidelity most likely won't be there from the beginning. That is something that takes time to work toward. And - it may take a lot of dating (and probably much kissing of frogs) over a long period of time to meet the right guys for this kind of relationship. It will also depend on where you live, how open-minded people are there, and how large the dating pool is.

I totally get that this is not just about threesome sex, and not a cuckold situation you are looking for. Far from it. And I would think that you wouldn't expect "all threesomes, all the time" if you do find two guys to be involved with romantically. And keep in mind that, as you meet people you click with, your fantasy of how it should be could change. Today you might dream about living together with two men totally devoted to you and only you, and although you could meet one guy who is fine in a mono/poly situation and remains monogamous to you, you might find yourself falling head-over-heels for a second guy who is poly and married to someone else already, for example. You never know what life will bring you, so my point is to stay open-minded and never say never!

I think it would be highly unlikely to meet two straight guys who are friends and looking to "share" a woman partner in ordinary, non-kink circles. So, no, the scenario you fantasize about probably isn't going to show up on your doorstep. If I were you, I would just be open to meeting men, look for opportunities, and date as much as possible. Express early on to any guys you're interested in that you are dating others and not looking for in exclusivity with them. If they want to understand what your goals are, explain it, and see how the relationship goes. Then you meet others, be upfront with everyone, and see if any of them click. It will take time. Nothing is going to happen instantaneously, anyway.

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Not too many people here doing poly-fi MFM Vs. I can think of one out of dozens of regular posters.
While it may be true that, when you visit poly forums, much of what you read is about FMF vees or triads, most of those tend to focus on threesomes and unicorn hunting. However, my observation has been that MFM vees are an extremely common type of configuration for a long-term scenario. For a while here, there were a lot of people posting about their MFM vees. Granted, some of them are no longer together (that's life - nothing lasts forever), and many of them are not closed, but there still are a number of members here who are in one. Some don't post here much anymore, but I don't think you should be discouraged about manifesting what you want at all. It's just not going to happen overnight. Stay positive!
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 01-18-2014 at 07:49 PM.
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