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Old 01-16-2014, 02:01 PM
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rory rory is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497

I want to write about living together, too! I and Mya and Hank living together, that is.

At first we were thinking that I'll stay at their place for a few months and then I'll move out, but the more all of us think about it and talk about it, it seems more and more likely that it'll be a more long-term arrangement. There are just so many things which could work really well. In terms of decisions, we'll of course have a good opportunity to see how it works, because I'll be staying for a while in any case. But yeah, I'm pretty excited regardless. And yeah, I want to feel excited without adding the disclaimers that it may not work out. That kind of thing is just to avoid disappointment, and it's pretty useless in the end.

When it comes to partnerships, where there's a deep level of involvement (time, energy, life sharing), I feel that being a leg of V, rather than a hinge, is more suited to my personality. I am able to be a hinge, and it's worked fine with Alec and Mya, for the past years. But it requires a lot more time and energy management from me, and it requires expectations-management from my partners. Whereas being a leg of a V... Yeah, as long as I feel secure in the relationship and confident that I'm loved and appreciated by my partner (as I do with Mya), I'm happy as a clam and never have any difficulties with sharing. Helps also when I have an awesome metamour, and there's mutual caring and compersion all that fluff going on.

Between us three, Mya is maybe more naturally suited to being a hinge, and I and Hank are both more naturally suited to being legs. (The terminology is so weird but hell, got to express it in some way.)

With this combination, there are a lot of potential poly issues which just are unlikely to come up (at least more than occasionally). It's to do with personalities (inclinations) but also to how people approach their own and other people's feelings.

I'm not worried about jealousy. It's not likely that there would be very much to start with, but also I have trust and confidence in all involved that it'll be dealt with. Same goes for any emotional work related to sharing a partner - feeling like a third wheel; feeling like getting less consideration/time/etc. from the shared partner; anything like that. There's a lot that could intensify in a co-habitation situation, but I don't anticipate much of that at all with who we are.

Rather, it's likely that this could actually enhance things for all of us: both in getting our needs met and in getting what we want. I'm going to continue this to another post.
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