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Old 01-16-2014, 04:41 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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LL, I don't think telling you that you should not to have sex on a first date from now on is very helpful, so I won't say that. To me, that stance makes it sound as if his actions can or should be blamed on you for doing so, and it strikes me as slut-shaming. It is not your fault even if he judged you for it and behaved the way he did because you had sex with him right away. He is still responsible for his actions, and he sounds like he would have acted like a dick even if you waited three or five or ten dates before fucking him.

My best, most fulfilling, and longest-lasting relationships started with sex on the first date - so, I don't think that that is what caused it. As I wrote earlier in the thread, how he behaved has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with the level of caring, empathy, and consideration this guy is willing to invest in - and he is apparently not willing to invest much of himself in any of those things. He sounds rather self-centered and self-serving. You deserve better, and the kind of treatment you get from men does not always have a direct correlation with whether you share your body with someone soon after meeting them or not. if anything, you simply need to develop better skills in assessing someone's character, and/or adjust your expectations, because there are great guys out there who won't get all stupid and assholish if you fuck them on the first date. It wasn't your fault.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
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Last edited by nycindie; 01-16-2014 at 08:01 AM.
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