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Old 04-07-2010, 12:06 AM
noob noob is offline
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 58

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
From a mono perspective (my own), the fear of your mono partner falling in love with some one else is extremely valid. If a person is truly mono, then they don't have multiple partners...that's natural for us. I am mono, Redpepper is poly..Our hearts are governed by different principles in some ways. For me, one person is "the one". That is not a lose-lose situation for me but a win-win situation. To love "one" is my greatest fulfillment. I'm not saying that how I think personally applies to all mono people, but I do think it reflects the opinion of the majority.

It's important to remember that in a mono/poly type relationship, mono ideals do not govern the dynamic, nor do poly ideals. That would be like a Christian looking at their Muslim partner and saying "you obviously must live like a Christian because I do and Christianity is just better". The relationship is an amalgamation of principles or else it will likely fail.
So is he speaking from a "mono" standpoint because he is mono, or just because he has no other frame of reference? How would I tell?

It seems like he has some interest in branching out himself and certainly hasn't been monogamous very successfully in the past--there usually ended up being cheating on one or both sides of past relationships. (I was the same way, only worse )

How do I address the concern/possibility that I might leave him for someone else? If what he's telling me is that he WOULD leave if he fell in love with someone else, then that's very problematic for me. And I don't see how we reconcile that except to say I can see others and he can't. But how would that work?
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