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Old 04-06-2010, 11:38 PM
ak2381 ak2381 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Charleston, WV
Posts: 119

Originally Posted by KatTails View Post
I am worried that he finds her more sexy, more sensual than I am. I do have low self esteem that I am trying to work on.
I have that problem as well. I know I feel inferior to her in bed. She has the excitement of being more experienced that me and poly herself so she can bring some things to sex that I can't. My husband is at least honest enough to say that it isn't that she is better but that we both have our strong points. She is very kinky and likes the whole being dommed thing which is all very exciting.

Originally Posted by KatTails View Post
It's extremely hard to not compare myself to her. He says all the time that it's not a competition - but I do feel like it is. How do you stop feeling like that?
I don't know how you stop feeling competitive. I am constantly feeling like I have to step up my game to keep up with them. I have made myself try things in the bedroom lately that I would have never dreamed just so I can feel as fun as her. Not that I have hated the experimentation. LOL. Some of it has actually been rather fun. But that doesn't always help me feel like I am constantly being compared myself. She is actually a year older than me and a little heavier but not big. I workout 5 to 6 times a week so my body is pretty fit. But she is more successful than me and sexier in a more fun kind of way. I have often felt like the boring wife left at home while he goes out and has his fun. One of the things that I have snapped about more than once and blown up about.

Originally Posted by KatTails View Post
Does your husband look at these forums or read up on polyamory? My husband does and I think that helps him see that what I am feeling is not completely crazy.
I blew up over something so mediocre this past weekend that has nothing to do with her. It was just all the hurt boiling at the surface ready to attack anything that might happen. When I finally collected myself we both realized I couldn't keep going at this alone. I was on here at the very beginning of all this trying to understand a little. then I stopped my reading. Instead I hid from everything just wanting all the pain and anger to go away. If I pretended it didn't exist I would be fine. I could live with barely holding it together by the seams.
But I can't. I can't do this alone. So I started reading again. This time he has been reading with me to help us both understand and so that he can learn the kind of patience he needs with me. I know he gets frustrated that I am not being ok as fast as he would like. I am as well. But we are both striving to make it work.

As for her moving faster than what you would like I wish I could help you. No one knows of our situation except his brothers. And I am not particularly happy that they know. I don't want to judgement or the critical remarks. I am dealing with enough as it is. And she knows that. I told them in the beginning that if they want this to be ok with me then there needs to be a limit somewhere. She is a girlfriend. Not another wife and will remain that way. I now that she overwhelmingly loves him and would love to make this a threeway marriage but she knows I would never allow it. I have to have some comfort level. They have already asked me to give up my beliefs of a mono/mono marriage as well as privacy and security that I am the only one in my husbands life. The least they can do is leave me my home life to fall back on.
My husband thankfully has not asked for more and I don't think he will. She already has four kids and is looking adopt more. I think that seems a little much for him to take on, especialy with he and I talking about expanding our own family once we move past this. And to take those kids away from a loving father is something we won't do either.

Sometimes I wish this thing had a chat box or room instead of just a forum...
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