Didn't get the job ~ lessons learned
P did not get the job. It had been looking so good.
He came for a one night visit a few hours after he got the news.
What did I learn?
I learned that yes, I would want and be willing to tag along, even though I do not currently consider him more than a visitor.
I learned that he values and appreciates my opinions more than I had known.
I learned that even if he were willing to live with me full time, I would be unwilling to comingle assets in real estate unless he were single.
We discussed how our parents managed finances and how we approach/ed this in our own marriages. He now knows that even if we were legally married I would want each of us to have some of our "own" assets with which to do with as we pleased without needing to seek approval from the other. I have always had this and can't fathom having to beg permission for something ultimately insignificant.
I encouraged him to continue the dialog with his wife as to whether or not she will follow when he ultimately does find a job in the field he trained for, rather than letting it drop as he has before. Odds are slim to none he will find it where he lives now.
We discussed salary, and how he doesn't want to work for less or even same as he makes now, that reality is he probably would to start... But the tradeoff of being in a positive work environment where one is happy is well worth it.
I helped him find a job search site with entry level listings, and encouraged him to start earnestly applying to those. And I am sponsoring some ads in programs for brewing events to say he is looking for work, I consider it an investment in someone I believe in. Why not marry the career you want to a company in an industry you love the fruits of?
Throughout this, I am reminded of myself. How my ex~hubby discouraged my dreams outright and when not to Spooty, at least did not offer the slightest encouragement. It was my Poly partner and friends who kept me bouyant. Had I let the hubby's lack of enthusiasm rain on my parade, instead of going forward under the umbrellas of those who showed me encouragement, I would not have had twenty years of success and contentment in my work.
Last edited by Monogamish1; 01-14-2014 at 09:25 PM.
Reason: spelling errors (blamed on autocorrect)