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Old 01-14-2014, 08:17 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,304
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*Checks the 'bubble' option*

I am very particular about who touches me, and who I touch, and when. I have strong boundaries around touch. It's something I need but I am careful about how that need gets met. For instance, I really dislike hugging someone I just met. I can tolerate it as most huggy people mean no harm. It takes a while for me to build enough trust and intimacy with someone to want to hug them, and be hugged in return. But once someone is in that circle, then I do want them to touch me and vice versa.

For me, there is a difference between touch between friends and touch between romantic partners. And there is a difference between touch that is appropriate in public and touch that is appropriate in private. I value privacy. I need privacy to build intimacy. Touch is one way I develop intimacy with someone - it's just not my first instinct. (It is Whip's first impulse. Whenever one of us is upset, or both, he wants to be in contact.) And I generally prefer to touch in private, even if it is non-sexual in nature. (Exceptions exist for more 'mobile' touching - I do like holding hands in public. However, my partners are generally much taller than me, with different gaits. Holding hands gets awkward after a while.

And I know from experiences in my own life that some people whose 'love language' is touch find me rejecting and difficult to figure out. Usually once I explain I am not rejecting *them* but I have a different timetable to physical intimacy (I am also a very slow cuddler. It's taken me years to get comfortable about cuddling with dear friends.) and that I don't begin with touch to build intimacy.
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