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Old 01-13-2014, 06:47 PM
london london is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635

I hope this doesn't cause you to have a negative reaction, because I really mean it to help/offer a perspective but I just have a feeling it will go down badly.

If I was the first guy, I would have been quite bothered about you wanting to control who I have relationships with. I would prefer that you asked me for what you need from me rather than try to arrange my life in a way that is most suited to you. I realise that you may have tried this approach and it didn't work out because he didn't keep to any agreements made. If that is the case he should have said that he simply can't meet your needs before you got to the point where you had to impose such a restriction. Maybe he didn't realise your needs were incompatible until that point. For some people, a partner wanting a rule like that is a huge deal and something that shows that you're on completely different wavelengths. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I understand his sudden turn around.

Why this matters now is because perhaps relating to people in a way that allows them to take onus for maintaining your relationship opposed to enforcing restrictions to make them maintain it would avoid this in the future. If you feel your partner isn't giving you enough time, tell them, and let them decide whether they want to give more resources to your relationship or whether they can'/won't. From there, you can decide whether the relationship is worth your resources or not.

It's hard for me to accept this a lot of the time, but you have to see what people will do over a period of time rather than expecting some reliable prediction of what they think they will do. All you can do to sort of protect yourself from a partner suddenly changing course is create an environment where they feel they can be forthcoming and honest about their needs so that you have the best chance of knowing something is askew as early as possible.
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