Originally Posted by Firelight
What do I do? I love him. I miss him. I want a relationship. I am scared. I don't know what to do. Do I talk to her? Do I contact him? Do I leave it alone as previously recommended on this thread? Run away from it? Move onto less complicated relationships? Help!
I've been silent here for a very long time but I couldn't stay quiet reading your story. It sounds eerily similar to my own.
I hear every word you are saying and empathize to the point of tears as to why you want this to continue. But let me tell you that I have been in your shoes for almost two years and it has been hell. Spiralling out of control and leaving more victims in it's wake than on the show Breaking Bad.
Without a lot of serious work and counselling , your metamour will never fully get past this. Even with her "being ok" with allowing you to see him , there will be retractions , restrictions, drama and pain, privacy violations , his withdrawal because life at home has gotten too difficult. And you will likely be in for a world of hurt.
My advice is like many others , and as someone who has been in that trench now for 22 months , is to hold your head high and walk away as fast as you can. He may love you and you do love him but her green headed monster will always prevail. You will miss him and love him and want only what's best for him , so hold your head high. And if he feels the same for you , he will suffer the same , and resentment will settle in. But that's not your problem. They are not ready for this lifestyle.
Go find someone who is strong enough to love you on his own accord and not on the restrictions and watchful , insecure eye of another.
Good luck to you.