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Old 04-06-2010, 08:40 PM
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SimpleSimian SimpleSimian is offline
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I'm really just going on past experience. I think the one thing that was consistent throughout my entire life were the amount of lies that were told, especially in relationships. It's emotional baggage that I'm trying to work out. I want to trust her words, but it takes ten times the amount of trustable words for me to believe something as the action that could replace it.

If she could make love to me, instead of just having sex with me, I would believe her love for me much more deeply. I only believe it as deeply as I do because of her past actions in proving her love to me (not sex related, mostly). And sex is hardly the center of love for me, it's just the most powerful way of communicating it that I know of. I really don't think any of the other methods I have of communicating my love nonverbally actually have any effect on her. Apparently, being told "I love you" every time it pops into my head is good enough for her, unless I'm really missing something.

And it's not the variable definition of the words, nor the words themselves, so much as the intent behind them. Words are a quick, easy-to-make mask that can cover any situation and make it look like whatever the author wants it to. Words are the very foundation of our civilisation, and even those words, supposedly infallible, turn out to be merely gold-plated and not actually made of gold. I inherently distrust all Humans, especially if they're talking big but not acting big.

Yes, I have strange and pointless problems, and while they make it more difficult to communicate properly with my wife, it's not really a problem I need to be tackling anytime soon. Instead, she and I spoke last night about this, we are going to start practising communicating with one another in one another's language. I'm going to start learning how to use words to properly display my affection, and I imagine she's either going to start focussing more on other actions, or perhaps even on sex itself. We only brought up the concept and agreed it was a good idea, we didn't really go into too much detail over it just yet, because we were short on time (it was 2:30 AM, and we were due to wake up at 4:45 AM).

I just wish she saw my lovemaking as what it is: an attempt at being spiritually connected to her. I wish that we could be more compatible in that way. I wish I knew if she experienced the same thing, but merely didn't talk about it as much or know how to express it. I wonder if she does actually realise, in her heart, that my sexual expression of love is as meaningful as I think it is. I really hope she does. I hope she doesn't feel used, or like a sex object or something. That would make me feel horrible. We've talked about that all before, too, and I never really managed to get a clear understanding of the situation.

So anyway, that's slightly off-topic. Basically, my short-term focus is having the two of us learn to communicate in one another's language. She has the notion that it can't be done, and actually compared the situation to Chewbacca and Han Solo, where neither one is capable of speaking the other's language, though they are capable of understanding it.

So at the very least, we'll be understanding one another fully, which will be more than good enough for me. If we can't speak each other's language, no big deal. As long as our point is getting across.

Last edited by SimpleSimian; 04-06-2010 at 08:44 PM.
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