Coming out of the poly closet
I tried posting a rather long explanation and was logged off. I will keep it short. I have been researching on morethantwo.com and few other links and now I am convinced after 10 years of denying it that I am poly. I believe what is happening with me is that I am a very easy "couple's chew toy" and I fill a very interesting void in most monogomous and emotionally fragile heterosexual relationships. I am a masculine identified lesbian this means I hang out great with the guys and have amazing sex with women....and most non-poly people have a love hate relationship with my kind. I am not a cheater so much as I am very honest about feelings as they arise and my curiosity about polyamory and that usually stalls or kills relationships. I am currently single and fighting with my roommates who couldn't even date each other without letting the jealousy and rage evaporate who they both are are beautiful people. It makes me sad, seeing people break up simply because the want to be EVERYTHING another person needs and when it comes down to it sometimes you're either; not that fun, bad in the sack, or unappreciative. I seem to be the only person in the world right now that thinks that hiding our true emotions and sensations, creating open and honest communication about boundaries and expectations, and finding a solution to the run of the mill dating until you settle scene is insanity. I am not "new" to the concept of polyamory, I am definitely poly, I just haven't found my fit. I am a full blown lesbian that is seriously just one of the guys, I can sustain relationships for a very long time (7 years and 2 partially open but unsuccessful open relationships). I place the blame on myself, I am very open to creating a living situation in my home that will both fulfill my need to feel love and affection in any form from those that are living with me. Everytime I mention this type of thing to people in public they say the DUMBEST things and I just need someone to help me get my mind and words straight to at least start the conversation with people about what I am looking for and how to purpose an agreement. minimum. I have a roomie she is straight (ish) I am thinking moving in another female and then each of us becoming each other's secondary while searching for a primary. The people that are brought in must follow the house poly rules? I think it may work best. Any thoughts?