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Old 01-12-2014, 05:02 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,447

I think it's important to clearly define what you mean by "being polyamorous." Do you mean "having polyamorous relationships" or do you mean "having the capacity to love multiple people simultaneously?" One is a choice, the other is innate.

I have the capacity to love multiple people. I can choose to have polyamorous relationships. By analogy, I have the capacity to eat meat. I can choose to eat meat or I can choose to be a vegetarian. As it turns out, I really enjoy eating meat and if for some reason I wasn't allowed to, I would find life just a little bit less satisfying.

Humans are incredibly adaptive. We're able to survive (in a basic "not dying" sense) in an incredible range of environments. However, in order to thrive and be happy and fully express our potential, we have a need for autonomy and self-expression, and this means being able to do the things we want to do. So if we want to love more than one person, our need for autonomy and self-expression means we'll be most happy and satisfied if we're able to have relationships that support this multiple love desire.

Every act that any person does is a choice. Everyone who practices polyamory does so by choice.

However, some people have tendencies towards certain choices, and having these tendencies is not itself a choice.

There's a difference between choosing to practice polyamory and choosing to have a tendency towards polyamorous feelings. We don't choose whether to have the capacity to love more than one person romantically, just like we don't choose whether to have the capacity to understand math equations at first glance or to reproduce musical works after hearing them once. Some people can practice and practice until their fingers fall off, and they'll never learn to play the guitar.

For some people, the monogamy option is so stifling and oppressive that it's not really an option, insofar as everyone wants to be happy and fulfilled in life. But that does not equate to a "need to have polyamorous relationships." Rather, it's a need for autonomy, and having polyamorous relationships is a strategy for meeting that need.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 01-12-2014 at 05:18 AM.
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