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Old 01-11-2014, 07:46 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by bookbug View Post
And yeah, wtf about basing decisions on a mono counselor? Doesn't sound like the two of them really have a clue.
When you're flailing in deep water, you'll grab on to anything that seems to be floating. In this case, it was a mono counsellor who probably sounded really sure of themself and delivered the ultimatum in a way that made it seem reasonable. The counsellor had the entire cultural bias of monogamy in their favour. The husband probably already felt a lot of guilt and shame for going against the rules for behaviour he grew up with and it was a relief to be given a way out.

I'm not saying all that is good or helpful. I'm just saying it's understandable.

But it definitely emphasizes that this couple does not seem ready for polyamory at this time. They have weaknesses in communication, trust, and empathy. Furthermore, they're so insecure in their polyamorous ways that all it took to pop the bubble was some person with a framed certificate on the wall and a reassuring voice telling them what they "have" to do.

Ugh. In my opinion, a good counsellor would never tell you what you "have" to do. People have to make their own choices and be accountable for the results. The counsellor could present possible consequences to different options, but ultimately if someone does something because "my counsellor says I have to" then they're not taking accountability for their behaviour.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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