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Old 01-11-2014, 07:34 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,366

What do I do? I love him. I miss him. I want a relationship. I am scared. I don't know what to do. Do I talk to her? Do I contact him? Do I leave it alone as previously recommended on this thread? Run away from it? Move onto less complicated relationships? Help!
It's natural to feel sadness and longing after a break-up. You're mourning the death of your relationship. Human beings thrive on relationships, they're our raison d'etre.

Originally Posted by Firelight View Post
She tells me that she did not veto the relationship. She tells me that she was very upset and needed time to work through her primary having relationship with me. She felt hurt and upset because we had "betrayed" her (her words). Although she admitted we had both been open about our communication & relationship, I, personally, I had not shared with her my deep feelings for him. She felted hurt by this since we are friends.
Step 1: Make excuses and transfer the blame. "I didn't veto you [I just made it so impossibly uncomfortable for him to be with you that there was only one rational choice.]"

She also told me that she wasn't sure she could handle him being with me.
Step 2: Make it all about herself. Oh sure, she can handle having another boyfriend just find... but dealing with her discomfort and insecurity when her husband tries to do the same? Why would she want to do that, what's in it for her?

In the end, over a few days, she said she cried, worked hard with him to figure things out and finally came to the conclusion that out of love for him, she wanted him to have this relationship with me. True gift of polyamory.
True gift... your words or hers? Here's the thing: We never do anything for other people. Never. Even when we do something purely because it makes someone else's life better, we're doing that because it meets our own human need to fulfill life.

Any time we do something "for someone else" it's because of guilt, bribery, or fear. And then we all pay for it: the giver and the receiver. The giver pays for it because they have negative energy around the so-called gift. The receiver pays for it because sooner or later, it will come back to haunt them. Resentment grows and eventually explodes in a big ball of smelly shit.

Here I am now. Starting to re-connect a fragile relationship with her (she said she is having a hard time trusting me). According to her, he has been distant & quiet for weeks stating he misses me but he is getting better.
So in other words, she got him to break up with you, and now he's sad so he's no fun as a husband. In order to make him into a more fun husband, she's hoping that "letting" him date you will cheer him up. Doesn't sound like she's doing that out of a spirit of giving.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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