Thread: Sailing Solo
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Old 01-11-2014, 04:58 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
He had a fun playdate with Ivy. That's all I want to know. He wants to give the details, I don't really care.
I was always happy to hear about Yo and Prof's meets and dates. We had some fun chats about that. But I am still stuck on Monday's revelations and not feeling terribly compersiony right now.
I am losing interest in trying to stick it out. But I should try, right? Isn't this the tough part? This is what I am supposed to communicate through? . . . I also feel that if I give up then I have indeed proven to him that he was right in not saying anything. I am not sure he would get the difference between it's not the other partners, it's the lying.
I know we always wish others would understand how we feel, and get it from our perspective, but unfortunately that isn't always possible. The fact is, no matter his reason, he consistently lied to you about things that he knew would matter to you. So, now, you're not feeling so hot towards him anymore - nothing wrong with that. However, you are now trying to stick with something that doesn't feel right, because you think you ought to? That is cause for concern, I think. How does that honor yourself and our own sense of what's right? Each relationship is unique. You can say, "Oh, I always walked away in the past, so I should stick it out now," but that's like trying to drive a car forward by only looking in the rear-view mirror. The past is past, you are a different person today. In the here and now, what do you want? How have his lies affected you? Do you even like him as much as you did? Does your heart and body cry out "Yes!" at the idea of being with him?

Good, caring relationships, no matter the level of commitment, don't have to be all angsty and full of hard work and shit to get over. You deserve to have good, trustworthy people in your life and relationships that are honest and not full of deceptions, manipulations, and strategizing.

You have a right to choose who is in your life, with whom you want to spend your time. He doesn't get to dictate that. Doesn't really matter whether he understands or not that it is his lying that rubs you the wrong way -- you owe him NOTHING, my dear. Remember that.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 01-11-2014 at 05:04 PM.
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