Originally Posted by noob
But...it makes me uneasy that he's continually framing things in terms of me falling for someone and leaving, or him falling for someone and leaving. Since the way I understand poly...it is not about leaving someone for someone else. It's about not having to do that, since (where I'm coming from) no one person is ever "the one." There is no "the one." Swapping someone you love for someone else you love is a lose-lose; it's like musical dicks, and not in a good way
From a mono perspective (my own), the fear of your mono partner falling in love with some one else is extremely valid. If a person is truly mono, then they don't have multiple partners...that's natural for us. I am mono, Redpepper is poly..Our hearts are governed by different principles in some ways. For me, one person is "the one". That is not a lose-lose situation for me but a win-win situation. To love "one" is my greatest fulfillment. I'm not saying that how I think personally applies to all mono people, but I do think it reflects the opinion of the majority.
It's important to remember that in a mono/poly type relationship, mono ideals do not govern the dynamic, nor do poly ideals. That would be like a Christian looking at their Muslim partner and saying "you obviously must live like a Christian because I do and Christianity is just better". The relationship is an amalgamation of principles or else it will likely fail.