I need to stop using this forum as a place to dump my freakout moments. God, I'm sorry for being such a dick.
I'll make it up by offering support in the future.
I just need to chill the fuck out and be calm and reasonable.
So I wrote a long post and my browser crashed and it got deleted.
Basically, I texted my wife, telling her I was completely lost and needed help. She called me immediately. I explained the situation to her, and she listened, she helped me calm down, and she agreed to put things on hold and have us all just hang out and be friends for a while first, while she and I work out our issues.
Also, the thing with her fucking the new guy was actually a poorly-timed joke. I do that to her all the time in an effort to soften the blow when I tell her things, and it always makes it worse, and apparently she thinks it isn't the same way the other way round. Basically, she promised me she wouldn't fuck on the first date as a joke to soften the blow of telling me that this guy was really interested in her.
She's going to continue to develop that friendship as a friendship.
As for the older situation, we're all going to hang out on Wednesday and play games and just be together and be friends. Meanwhile, my wife and I will actually start talking about our issues and working things out.
This was all my problem, not her fault at all, you're right. I wasn't communicating to her clearly enough just how deep and painful this whole situation was for me, and now that she knows, everything will be okay.
I thought I was being clear in my communication, but I guess since she already had so much on her plate, some of it was lost in translation.
Thank you all for your support. I will be updating this thread, and next time I won't be freaking out.
I'll also be lurking around and reading and maybe offering some helpful advice about some of the things I've learned to other new members.
I'm glad that's over. I feel 110% better, except for being too hot in this cramped office and too tired from lack of sleep and hungry from lack of eating the last couple of days.
Thank you all.