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Old 01-10-2014, 06:32 AM
Monogamish1 Monogamish1 is offline
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 42
Default Over my head - considering a move with P, buying a house

P submitted resume for a dream job.
Out of state.
Wants me to join him.
No clue what his wife (I'll call her PW) will do. Go. Stay. Divorce? Stay & go later? He hasn't pushed. She doesn't like change.

I'm nuts.
I'd actually like to go.
Scary - very.

I'd keep my home here - per my divorce I have to house my son through college & he is done this summer, and then he could rent it cheap or I could rent it to someone else.

I am not comfortable renting for other than short term unless housing market convinces me otherwise (it hasn't.) I once bought a house for what was *supposed* to be only an 18 month stay because market was perfect for it.

P wants to co-mingle funds & buy a home together, for the two of us in new city.

If something happens to P or to the potential "us" - I would want to know I could still afford to live in my home.

If we bought a home together, and PW ran up or accrued bills that P is legally obligated to cover, or if they divorced and PW wanted her $$ legal share of he home, that I would be forced to buy her/them out and would not be able to afford to & be forced to sell myself.

My solution A:
I buy a home that I can afford on my own income/resources. Limited, but definitely do-able in today's market with a fixer. And P can live with me splitting all other living expenses (except TV - I would rather live without it)

My solution B:
I agreed in theory that I would be willing to co-mingle funds on real estate if PW were willing to sign legal papers that if she ever wanted/needed the house sold so she could access the marital funds invested in it, that she would have to wait until I sell it to get her $.
Is this even legally possible?

P is overwhelmed to point where he commented he wanted to withdraw his resume.
I'm frustrated. One smallish yet significant part of the reason I broke up with P 5 months ago was his asking me to look for a job in my former city and move away & he promised to follow, in part so he could figure out if PW actually loved him. I would NOT have any part in that game. After I refused, he apparently gave up trying to figure that one out on his own, assuring me they were solid and very happy living platonically as "best friends". (I wish I didn'y have an opinion on that & could trust those words at face value - yet he says other words that contradict.)

Could P afford to move by himself & still support PW? She has her own job, own potential access to health insurance. Would she even need him to still kick in for bills there, or still expect it if he lived far away with his "own"/separate bills? They are legally bound financially.

Why should I even be asking myself that. Their relationship should be their FREAKING business & not mine.

Right now as while I consider him simply as a FWB, he visits me a night or two a week and only contributes financially by buying groceries for half of shared meals. I won't even consider him a boyfriend, much less a partner, in part because then I would be frustrated by him not kicking in financially (plus now he takes his laundry home)

/End rant
(for tonight)
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