I reread my blog. Mainly looking for things to fuel my anger but ended up with quite the opposite. Despite the lying, and that is a big despite, Kip has been very good to me. Reliable, available, supportive.
I was stewing all day over the lying and thinking that I couldn't get over it. I am mourning the loss of what the closeness I thought was there and was indeed being shown, it wasn't all my imagination.He keeps such a large part of himself closed away. He is very insecure, all the stuff about controlling me and who I dated. Jealous, I read back the section about him wanting to be my primary and priority, that has been going on for a long time. Funny coming from someone who is having his ego stroked from multiple sources.
He is Iming now about his date with Ivy tomorrow, they are meeting and probably will play. I think that is all I want to know, I have to let go of the curiosity part. It is enough to know that they will play safely.
I have to let go of the inquisitiveness if I am going to continue with multiple relationships, same idea would apply to mono ones. Ask fewer questions, trust more. That doesn't make sense. How about keeping out of other people's relationship business and keeping my mouth closed more? Just sex, no connection. Sounding a touch bitter there. Sad, I am sad. My mental picture of what I thought I meant to Kip is blurred, what was real, what is real. It's ass backwards, we started open, isn't that the hard part? We didn't have to negotiate through that. He couldn't accept that I was sincere. I am going to step back for a bit and let things settle.
Me: 40s female
Kip: 50s male, married.
Prof: 50s male.