Originally Posted by tinylove
Being so new to Poly it seems like all me and my husband do is talk and talk and talk and discuss and discuss every night. It seems like there is always something we have to go over or talk about and we never get to talk about everyday things anymore.
I feel like there are always conflicts,arguments or disagreements. Before we actively starting looking for people we had a normal couple lifestyle.
We would sit relax, have drink, talk about the kids and enjoy life. Now it seems like our life is upside down all the time. There is always something going on.
I have many many severe traumas from my past that are triggered by certain things. My husband knows this and we are not sure how to work through it.
Currently we have decided to not start any romantic relationships with anyone and only become friends with the people who we have already started talking with.
I have a lot of trust issues and like a few others have said as well ..It does not matter how many times he tells me he won't or doesn't want to leave me it still could happen in my mind.
I am dealing with a lot of fears that I do not know how to deal with. I have come to the conclusion that I do not know if I can be with anyone else sexually. It took me years before I could trust my husband enough to have meaningful sex with him. (this had nothing to do with him but from issues in my past)
To me the thought of being sexual with anyone makes me cringe. I am afraid my husband is going to fall in love with this new woman and want to have a sexual relationship with her. In my mind I won't be able to deal, cope or process this. The thought makes me not even want to touch my husband.
I am not sure if I can explain what I am feeling since no of you know what happened in my past.
I want to be able to tell my husband that I don't want to have any romantic relationships right now, I do not know how he feels about this though. I think so much will change once this happens between us and I am afraid that I won't want to have sex with him if he chooses to be sexual with this woman.
How did you come to poly? Did your husband bring you to it? Does anything about it appeal to you, or are you only doing it as an act of good faith for your marriage?