Originally Posted by bofish
I love the idea of the structure.
I have asked him numerous times for a pause. But he's not willing to do it. I know he's an okay guy. I don't think he;s purposefully disrespecting me. But I do think he has a need he's not acknowledging.
So, practically, what do I do when I'm compelled to "check trash?" When I'm compelled to respond. Are you as close to your people now as you were or want to be?
I'm glad you found the idea helpful. I hope it, or some variation of less contact, is helpful to you.
It doesn't matter if he is unwilling to do it. That's not his decision to make. It is very disturbing to me that he does not respect this very basic boundary. He is disrespecting you - it matters little if it is on 'purpose' or not. Intent can matter but results are what tells. If he treats you like he doesn't respect you, then he doesn't respect you.
Also, just because someone has a need doesn't mean you have to fill it.
I'm sure he has all sorts of needs. We all do. Some needs are subconscious. But still - So what? Even if he were fully conscious of those needs, and told you all about them in great detail, that does not make you responsible for his needs.
Other folks have mentioned some great ideas for filters and such that delete email right away. Take advantage of modernity!
And, actually, yes I am now close to both SW and Beaker. It took time and work, even after I started being in contact with them again. Taking a long break from contact with them did help greatly by giving me the time to get my own head on straight.
Good luck. You can handle this - however you decide to do so.