Thank you guys so much for all the support and advice. It is so appreciated and all of you are right.
IP, I think you make excellent points. I have been very weak in this case. I have been able to distance myself from some friends in the past few years. And finally begin to consult people about how I feel.
IP- I love how your assessments are so right, but not judging. I am going to continue to distance myself from him. I actually did see him. It was nice, but not sexual at all. I do not want that anymore. I was really conflicted (as I said) about seeing him, and it helped remove some of the mythology or what my mind had built up. And yet, this morning, I awoke totally anxious and sick!
I am generally a happy person. LOL. I use the blog as sort of a journaling for my difficulty. So, it seems like I'm a mess, but I'm relatively stable. I just feel like I'm always having intense growing experiences.
I keep thinking I should tell my kid not to make friends until he is 40! I made friends very early and have kept them for a long time and what I know now that I didn't is how profoundly I would shift. How unhealthy my early relationships were. And (obviously) some continue to be not healthy. But I did pick my husband! I have been thinking that over a lot. The relationship is flawed -as many are - but he's a pretty unconditional loving person and really there for me. When I chose him, I knew all this. I also knew that due to this there was a lack of a strong sexual attraction. But, I was also reading a great new book that describes how women in particular are not geared toward monogamy -- just a theory! I am so lucky that we decided to be poly.
My friend doesn't have the same issues. He is deeply unhappy and so is his wife (from the sounds of it). I just pray that some day he can open up to be who he really is. He's getting older. But this DID happen with my husband. Him "coming out" to his parents at age 43 was huge!