I. Hate. This.
This is worse than high school ever was.
I just got a call from my wife while she was in-between classes, talking about her interactions with the original guy who hurt her. They're sort of starting to patch things up. They apologised to each other, and now there's an even bigger clusterfuck for me to deal with. I think I serisouly need to get out while I can. I can't survive through high school a second time, especially since my high school was much more tame, in comparison, when it came to the social clusterfucks.
I feel like the walls are closing in, and it's only a matter of time before the garbage compactor has mashed me into a cube of space trash to be ejected from the Death Star's...garbage eject ports.
Seriously, there is way too much going on, and I'm really tired of my wife running around throwing her interest, love, and sex at every guy she meets lately. I really feel like a dick for this, but the way things are changing back and forth so wildly, I can't cope.
Maybe I need to take a break. She can go live in the new apartment for a month, while I stay in the old one. I need her to figure her shit out, because it's seriously distracting from the two of us figuring our shit out.
Fuck. Me. I can't take this anymore. What the hell. It seriously needs to stop, and since I'm technically the one who started it, I'll be treated like I'm the world's biggest asshole if I try and stop it. Cuz I was kind of treated like that when I started this whole thing.
She has a huge fight with him, she says she's done with him, then the very next day she lets him back in. And again, she does exactly the same thing. Twice, now, he has hurt her deeply and immeasurably, and still she marches onward, letting it continue. She probably doesn't even know the extent to which this shit is completely driving me fucking crazy.
I can't think about anything else at all ever, because now the only thing ever going on up in my head is her fucking drama.
Fuck her drama. Mine's legitimate. Hers is manufactured. She doesn't need to be involved in all this shit, she could have avoided it. I, however, have to sit and be quiet and watch it happen, and if I say anything about it or try to focus on our relationship, instead of her social shit, I'm the bad guy, I have all the problems, and it's my fault I can't cope.
I want to warn her where this is all leading and make her stop for a while and just focus on us, but my voice is so tiny now. I'm lost in the crowd, and I'm no longer the primary interest, and I can't bail on the relationship, because I'll be an asshole if I do. I bring in the vast majority of the income. She can't even afford the rent at our current place on her own, much less our new place. So if I leave, I'm basically screwing her out of a life and lots of hard work. If I don't leave, I'm stuck in the middle of this fucked up shit that I never asked to be a part of and don't want to be a part of.
I am powerless, and in a lose-lose situation. This is bullshit.
I give up.
...and thank you, Ariakas, or your input and the links. I'll do some more reading. I guess one can never do enough learning, I need to keep remembering that.
Last edited by SimpleSimian; 04-06-2010 at 05:39 PM.