Originally Posted by KatTails
ak - I am sorry for the pain you went through with your husband cheating - I can imagine how incredibly painful that was to go through. You are amazingly strong to have been able to forgive him and move on. I'm glad that he is being honest about his feelings now and that you two are moving on and trying to make it work - that's what's important.
The cheating happened over a course of about three years. One of them was with a girl that I had deep hating feelings towards and did indeed try to talk him into leaving me. Even dared to say that she would make a better mother for my daughter as she chased him. It didn't take long for that to end. The pain is from that it happened in the first place. There were others but that was the worst one. But we have come so far from where we were.
I understand taking each other for granted. My husband and I got to the point where we were just going through the motions of marriage. Just had the assumption that we were loving each other. Then the shit hit the roof when I found his text from his coworker that day. It started out with him admitting what was happening with her. And within a two week spand we talked so much that he confronted me about the other women. I always kind of knew about the girl I hated, we will call her L. But he always denied when I would ask in the past. But when this roomate of his brother was constantly calling and texting him and was a bit of a bitch if I picked up the phone, you know there is something there. And I had nothing to prove otherwise.
My husband and I are doing amazing now. I loose it on a regular basis because I know I have so much hurt built up. But I don't do it on purpose and I try so hard to make this easy for him because I know he isn't trying to hurt me. I have done alot of reading to find the root of my jealousy and try to understand where my fears are coming from. Last night we sat outside on our porch and watched a thunderstorm as we talked about some of the articles I have read up on in the last couple of days. I tell him what I can and I know he tries to understand but I don't think he ever fully will. I have no interest in finding someone else. And even though he has a girlfriend he fears I will find someone else. I am constantly reassuring him that there is no one in the picture right now and probably won't be for a long time if ever. If there is I will come to him first and if he can't handle it at the time then that is that. This is not meant to be a revenge thing. We can't ever go to someone else out of anger or revenge.
I have to admit I have had some harsh feelings towards men at the beginning. It feels like that is all they want in my family. Other women. My grandfather, my dad, my husband, my sister's boyfriend. I am surrounded by it and it is hard to see men in a good light. No offense guys.
I think through alot of research I found that right now my biggest fears are loosing him as him loving her or someone else more. Her loving him more proves that is possible. And that would kill me. My other fear is the common not feeling like I am enough or inadequate and what did i do wrong. I am trying very hard to understand these and push past them.
That is my rant for now. LOL. I am sure there is more later. He is suppose to meet up with J tonight or tomorrow night, his coworker. L has not been in the picture for a very long time. She still tries to text him now and again and it is very hard to believe him when he says he doesn't contact her back but I am trying. J at least I can say I am friends with and has her own family to go back to. I think if I ever saw L again I might slug her though, I am bad. I guess we wiill see how well I am doing after he goes to J.