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Old 01-07-2014, 11:46 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 2,098
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Since you asked...

I suggest the 40 days process. NovemberRain wrote about it here some time ago and I have used it with both SW and Beaker.

You (and him too even if he won't admit it) need time apart to let go, to mourn, to start the process of moving on.

No contact at all in any form for 40 days. No texts, no phone calls, no meeting, no emails, no social media.

After 40 days, if you want to be in contact again, you can.

I explicitly said what I was doing with SW and Beaker. I told them I'm not contacting you at all for 40 days. Don't contact me in any way. I don't hate you and I am not cutting you out of my life forever. They respected my wishes and left me alone until I reached out to them.

It's hard at first, especially if one is not sure if one wants to let go. But I've found it absolutely invaluable. I would not be in a good a place now as I am with SW and Beaker. I'm good friends with my ex-wife and SW has become another good friend. Without taking that time, I doubt things would have gone as smoothly and as well.

You are not rejecting anyone. Just taking time to start letting go of the old and beginning the foundation of something new. (That process will continue after the 40 days - it's a jump start not a complete solution.) You can be in each other's lives afterwards. But I feel strongly that a break is essential if you want to do this in a healthy way.

He can still be special to you. This break is not about reducing his specialness. It's about creating a healthy way to acknowledge his place in your life and your emotions, while recognizing that his presence is also problematic.

This is not impossible. Hard, yes. But it is well within your capability.
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