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Old 01-07-2014, 01:28 PM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 757
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The thing that strikes me about your account is how her wanting to talk to you was all about her - her feelings of betrayal, her fear of being left for you, her feeling that life with her secondary would be easier if you were in the picture. Nothing about mistakes she may have made - and I can guarantee everybody made some, including her. In other words whatever she is offering, she is offering for selfish reasons - not out of love for her husband or for you. And when what she is offering does not satisfy those selfish reasons or her reasons change, the rules will change again.

I know. I have been through it. I was sharing a house with a couple. We were a vee configuration. The arrangement was promoted by the wife. When it didn't satisfy whatever unhappiness within herself she was trying to fix, she changed her mind. No explanation, no negotiation. However, when I asked her if I should leave - I had upended my life at her behest - she told me no, because then her husband would be so unhappy that he might leave her. Long story short, she made his life a living hell, finally did ask me to leave, and lost her marriage - not because of me, but because of her awful behavior.

It sounds like the husband is probably pissed and miserable. She may be trying to fix that, but not out of love for him, but because she is tired of being the recipient of his anger. But say he gets happy again with you back in the picture, her insecurities will return and it will be the same shit different day.

And yeah, wtf about basing decisions on a mono counselor? Doesn't sound like the two of them really have a clue.
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