I'm going to try and write what I remember and chew it over more later. I am not going to try and say what I think is real and what is more BS**t.
I met Kip today, he came round early, we had great sex and then went to lunch. My head wasn't so sure about how to speak up but my stomach was rotten and sour. Stomach won.
Me:I have something to tell you.
K:Am I going to like it?
Me:No. When you dropped your phone, it was still working for a while, your email was open.
K: What did you read?
Me:Your blah blah account.
K: How much did you read?
Me: All of it, twice. Tell me what is going on.
He was seeing K before me and up till maybe summer last year.4+ years. There was another fairly regular too, can't remember her name maybe C, a year or so. Many, many, online chats, photos, "hundreds" of coffee meets and lunches, web cam. Much of the "see you next time", was web cam. Apparently only me physically for the last 5 months or so.
My big question was, "Why didn't you tell me?" He kept going back to the the same three replies.
1) I didn't think you could handle it.
2) I didn't want to give you up or what we have.
3) I have cheated and lied my way through relationships for as long as I can remember, and that is how I handle them.
"Did the other girls know about me?". Reply, Yes, I don't really give a shit about them.( will revisit this statement later)
"Why do you want to know everything about what I am doing but not tell me about you?" Reply...I love to hear about the sex, I want to know you are happy and having fun.
"Why were you so down on my relationship with Prof?" Reply..Because he was building a relationship with you, he has time that I don't have, you did things together that we can't do. I didn't want you to get attached to him and leave me.
"But you like hearing about the sex?" Reply, Yes, that is different. That is fun and a turn on. You building a relationship without me isn't.
"Why all the lies when I have been open about you having other relationships too?" Reply... I didn't believe you could handle it. I meet so many other women, you wouldn't believe most of it is not physically sexual. It's mostly online, the questions, the pics, coffee or lunch and then it fizzles out.
"You said you had a relationship with a married woman for 2 years." Reply, We never actually met, it was all online.
"You said you had open relationships in the past." Reply, I lied... I was cheating on all of them. A couple of times girlfriends said I could, but when I did they got angry and we broke-up. I was happy in the relationships, the couple part, but needed different sex partners. I like variety. I thought you would do the same.( break up )
There was a lot of me going back to the "why lie" part and I got the same 3 answers each time.
There was quite a lot about me being different, opening up and sharing more than before. The stuff about his past was true, family, and other things I won't discuss here. Most of the stuff about relationships was heavily edited.
He had a similar childhood to me, in that we both were moved a lot as children. Big international moves and regularly. The result for me...I don't make friends easily, lots of surface interactions. We discussed this before, he and I, and me on here. He is the same, lots of surface relationships but none that really connect, he is afraid of the relationships ending, so he doesn't invest.
"In you own little messed up way, do you love me?" Reply, Yes, I love you, I love being with you, I love talking to you, I love your independence, I love your kind heart, I love that you put up with me, I love your mind, I love your incessant questions.
"How do you feel now I know?" Reply, Relieved, I thought you would bust my balls, be angry, cry. I know you are not like that, but experience with women makes me expect it anyway. He asked me if I cried when I read the emails, I said, no, I was stunned and surprised at the degree of lying even when I asked him flat out on multiple occasions. He said that lying and padding the truth is what he does. He works in sales so tells people what they want to hear, women included, me included.
He asked me how I could sit on the information for nearly a month and not say anything. I replied that I was thinking and processing, lost some weight over it, but mainly thinking and trying to give him the opportunity to come clean.
I will add more later, kids to get in the bath!
Me: 40s female
Kip: 50s male, married.
Prof: 50s male.