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Old 01-07-2014, 02:15 AM
Monogamish1 Monogamish1 is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 40
Default Mixed signals

The next visit has come and gone.
Our relationship expectations talk never occurred, at least not as I expected.
Upon arrival we spent the rest of the evening revamping his resume for a job out of state, which would be a great opportunity for him - although it is out of state. Once again, from what he reports, the wife is not willing to even discuss unless he actually gets the job. No encouragement. In my mind's eye I can almost see her rolling her eyes.
It aches to feel that pain, even second-hand My ex was similarly un-supportive.
And once again, I wonder if he were to get the job, would she follow him. Not something I wish to dwell upon.
So I support and encourage his dreams.

What of me if he were to get it and move away? If he were my partner, I would follow in a heartbeat. I can work anywhere with my profession and be successful. But we are not partners, so I do not know if I would follow or stay where I am... moving is expensive and risky. My last two moves were to flee heart-wrenching situations - one a great career opportunity made leaving the pain a no-brainer, and the other move was for my physical and emotional safety. I would miss him, the man I consider the love of my life, but I would survive.

Our talk?
No, didn't get to the expectations document. But it was an interesting talk.
He says he considers my his girlfriend, and that he is essentially "going steady" with me, while I consider him simply a friend, with benefits, who has the potential to be more.

P was right when he said he gets the feeling that I do not want him to leave clothes here. Coping with his absence would be that much harder if I were to think of him as more than someone who visits. We talked about how I must intellectually consider him a casual visitor to emotionally get through, even while my actions and emotions speak differently. Yes, I agree - there are mixed signals - I want you, I don't want you.

I must try to convince myself I do not want him every time he is gone.
Never had that feeling when I identified as poly.
It was always clear - I love XXXX, but this is my time with ZZZZ.
P says he believes I could do poly again if I were in the center and "in control." I tend to disagree.
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