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Old 04-06-2010, 03:07 PM
kamala kamala is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Deepest Darkest
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Default A Polyamory Paradox

I stumbled on this old Washington Post article and this quote struck me.

…its practitioners (polyamory’s) have optimism for humans' endless capacity to love, share, forgive, grow and explore. But that optimism seems rooted in a cynical belief that the monogamous are stuck in a myth, one that leads to cheating, unhappiness or divorce court.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about some of these ideas and this put it quite succinctly. What has always appealed to me about polyamory was this air of maturity, of reason and reality, and there was always something very high-minded in choosing to learn and grow through something less conventional. But at the same time, I do look back at monogamy in a sort of nostalgic way. Like, things were easier, and there was something sweet about this idea of being with one perfect person, forever etc. I know in my heart it seldom works out like that…

What I guess I’m trying to say is that I have some trouble reconciling that “cynicism” with the ideals I have of abundant love, and maturity and respect etc etc.

I have tried hard not to foil myself against monogamous people, and say that I stand for everything they don’t, and they are unenlightened in some way, even though I must admit in my weaker moments I have sometimes felt that. For example, trying to explain my choices to a less than receptive friend But overall I think I pretty much agree that… well, people are different.

Do you think that people that have been hurt, or cheated on/betrayed or themselves done the cheating and betraying, are those people more likely to turn to polyamory as a sort of resignation to this less than ideal part of human nature? Or were you all well functioning monogamists who decided to move forward to polyamory as something positive, something expansive?

Are polyamorists just less generous when they come to assessing the human capacity for devotion to just one? Does that jeapordize the spirit of plurality and openness that I’ve seen on these boards…?

I know I’ve not been awfully clear, but I’d love some feedback on this
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