(continuation due to character limit)
I just want to go back to the way things used to be. I want to be monogamous and feel normal for expecting such from my mates, and not feel like I'm suppressing their potential for happiness. This just doesn't feel right to me. It doesn't feel right to not be jealous. I want her to be happy, but if she needs to be with other guys to feel happy, I feel like there's no need for me in this picture, and she can go be happy with those other guys and without me. I'm so crushed, I'm so confused, I'm so depressed, and all I want is for the pair of us to find happiness and stay there. I'm tired of this back-and-forth bullshit.
Also, I think it's kind of unfair for her to be able to fall in love with and fuck other people, when I cannot. She would let me, but I am fundamentally unable to. If I hit it off with somebody, or I find somebody really attractive and am turned on by them, I redirect that energy into my already-existing relationship, because I feel it would be a waste to leave it hanging there, unfulfilled, and it would be a waste to spend that energy on the person I find attractive, when I already have all I need waiting for me at home. She wants us both to start exploring polyamory, but I actually cannot. Why can't the two of us just come to a middle ground and be happy with one another and not need anybody else. I feel really inadequate that I cannot meet her needs that way.
Please help me. I'm so overwhelmed.
Last edited by SimpleSimian; 04-06-2010 at 03:01 PM.