Nadya, you're right. My lesson in life is to learn how to stop being passive, passive aggressive, and avoiding conflict. I like to think that this adventure into poly is forcing me to confront my issues in new ways. I need to identify what I need and want and ask for it. And if I'm in an unhealthy situation I need to CHOOSE to get out of it.
Beth and I visited my therapist and we had a good discussion of how we might be able to proceed in this relationship. I realized that one of my fears (besides some of my honesty questions) is talking to people about being poly.
Beth and Mark are married. They can default to that model in conversations if they don't want to mention they have another partner. I on the other hand, feel trapped not being able to tell anyone (or very few people.) And that fear has kept me from building a solid support system.
As my therapist used the example of a table. You need 4 legs to have good support. And likewise, you need 4 legs of support to be a healthy individual: Self, Family, Community, and Romantic (not everyone has romantic support or the need for it, so I might modify this to a three-legged table.)
I only have 1 or 2 legs right now. My goal this year is to shift some of my energy into building a community that will support me. I will sit down with Mark and Beth and we will finally discuss what our little vee should look like. I will also start looking for another partner so that I don't put all the pressure on Beth (and myself!)