Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it.
I talked to Ginger last night. His date with Buddhist went really well.
It was a lovely day out in the snow, skiing around, then he showed her around his main house and his cabin.
Then, yeah, sexy time. Sounds like a major makeout and "petting" session. In fact, she was rarin' to go all the way! He put the brakes on. He told me he didn't feel ready, they hadn't even had the safer sex talk yet.
So much for her being shy.
And this morning just now.... we chatted and he's still all pumped and happy. He also "wants, almost needs" to see me and hold me and, I guess, reassure me of his affection.
He is in a classic state of NRE, ecstasy tinged with anxiety. Worry I am OK. Worry about whether Buddhist really likes him enough to fit him into her life.
How do I feel? Not good. I feel like a sister wife, it feels Biblical. Patriarchal. Yuck, I feel sick to my stomach. I don't feel special. Just one of a harem, one more hole for his seed.
Doesn't help I am a typical Leo and this hurts my pride.
I think he wants to come over this morning. Basketball game tonight he would like to watch on our new big projector HDTV, but they are calling for freezing rain starting this aft, and the game is at 7.
I'm sure he wants to make passionate love to me, partly to make me feel good, but no doubt he's all horny from Buddhist, and so I get the leftovers from that. Typical poly stuff.
At least he's verbalizing the events of yesterday and talking about our emotions, instead of this pseudo-Buddhist "unattached" crap of yesterday.
So, he went off to get breakfast and have his morning walk... said he'd chat me later.
Last night after I heard how wonderful his date was, miss p and I just cuddled on the couch miserably for a while, then I went to bed early, exhausted.
Too bad my feelings around this, and his feelings, are so disparate. I don't want to rain on his parade too much! But I do want to be honest about my feelings too.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
also loving Punk (42, M) since Oct 2015 (he has recently downgraded us to friends)
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 2 years