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Old 01-04-2014, 11:25 PM
london london is offline
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635
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A little while ago I got really stressed out because I had all these fun, casual relationships that I felt I had to maintain simply because... It's hard to explain... It felt like because I am poly and these particular people hadn't done anything wrong, I had to sort of keep seeing them. I'd agree to a first date with someone compatible, have fun but know it won't be anything long term but agree to a second date because I'd think that we could have something positive even if we wouldn't be super entangled. It didn't occur to me that in order for us to have this something, it's going to take resources that I can't spare.

It was only when I realised that it was causing me to be unhappy and stressed because I wasn't able to spend the amount of time I wanted to with the people I had the deepest bond because I felt this burdensome obligation.

I had to take a deep breath and mentally prioritise my relationships so they became manageable and I had the me time I require. Yeah, it takes willpower and it is still annoying when you have to pass up casual stuff you know will be fun, but I ultimately want more entangled relationships so I have to structure my life in a way that allows space to form and maintain them.

As well as the lack of resources to maintain the relationships, the constant interaction with different people, different communication styles etc was hell from an autistic perspective. I became hypersensitive to noise and touch. The extent of how it affected me only became evident with hindsight.
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