Oh, and also, I went to a New Year's Eve party after midnight, after spending the early evening with rory and Alec. I ended up having sex with Evan there.
It was loads of fun and we had both found out things about ourselves sexually after our break-up and those things lined up surprisingly well.
I'm still kinda processing how I feel about the whole thing, other than it was fun. We also had some very good conversations at the party (before the sex) and I have a feeling I'm one of the few people he can talk to about some of his stuff, at least with that level of openness he did then. I loved the fact that he did talk to me. I loved to be able to be there for him. I'm still feeling the connection when we have those kinds of talks. The conversations and the sex make me feel a bit vulnerable though. I don't particularly want to fall back in love with him, but maybe I would want some of the closeness we had back. I'm just not sure where the line goes, which things bring me joy and which might hurt me. I feel I'd like to explore that a bit but I have to be careful.