I hope you feel better. I am guessing you just wanted to vent?
That read like you doing a thinking / processing thing. Let me sum up what I get from it, ok? I am going to guess. Some of what you write was not super clear to me. I could be wrong ok? So please correct whatever needs clarification. I'm just offering this in case it helps you out to see your words arranged differently.
I am in a polyship that has D/s arrangements also.
- This is not a 24 hour D/s dynamic. (is it?)
- I do not want to be fully dependent. (So don't be? Enjoy your scenes but leave it for scene times?)
- At some point I would like to renegotiate so that I can date another person.
At THIS time?
It is hard for me to express when I'm feeling some kind of upset. Ranging from anger, resentment, being taken for granted, etc.
- I want him to be all Dom-ly for me (and make it so I do not have to feel upset?)
- I want me to do ____? (Learn to express better so it stops being hard when I need to express myself?)
In our relationship, He is willing to solve all my things for me. I am willing to let him.
For how we expect to communicate in this relationship:
- He expects me to communicate my needs to him so he can know by ______? (Never laid out this expectation?)
- I do not expect me to communicate. I expect him to know my needs by (him mindreadering me? )
For the needs he is aware of at this time...
- he expects himself to handle all my needs (24/7 or just during a scene?)
- I expect he will take care of me and all my needs (24/7 or just during a scene?)
For the new needs that he is not aware of at this time...
- he expects me to tell him what the new needs are as they arise.
- He expects me to not have new needs.
- He expects me to have new needs but not tell him.
- I expect to tell him what the new needs are as they arise.
- I expect me to not have new needs.
- I expect me to have new needs but not tell him.
- Our expectations of ourselves and each other are articulated, understood, and in agreement at this time. (yes/no?)
- Our expectations of ourselves and each other are being kept up by each of us at this time. Each person is holding up their end. (yes/no?)
To move this forward...
- I am willing and expect to talk periodically to my D about how our current agreements and communication habits serves me well/do not serve me well so as my D he can know what is going on and serve me well as my D. (yes /no?)
- I have decided that I need to take a step back from us, re-evaluate, and then be okay again with me not having any sort of dependence on him (and end the D/s side of things with him only? End D/s AND polyshipping with him )
- Both the above? Neither? Something else?
You decide what you want to participate in -- poly? D/s? Both? Neither? That's all up to you because YOU determine your willingness to participate. You can withdraw your willingness to participate any time you want to.
But as far as you feeling something and not appropriately expressing it? You suppress it and wind up feeling clogged up as a result? Yes. I agree. You say it yourself.
Really I just need to be able to say this stuff sometimes.
You could expect yourself to express your feelings appropriately rather than suppress them.
If you have things in your relationship you want to change or alleviate -- expressing them is the first step to doing good conflict resolution.