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Old 01-03-2014, 08:04 PM
willowstar willowstar is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 122

You should talk with him about how you feel. All of the stuff, including how you dont want to burden him, even though he has said that is part of the dynamic he has arranged with you. He needs to understand that when he makes that kind of commitment to you, that you will come to him with it. He may be able to handle it very well with you, and put you at ease. Or, he and you may realize that you do need that bit of independence in order to be comfortable being sub about all the rest. There is no One Way to do D/s. This is how HE chooses to do it, but it may not be a 100% fit for you.

I say this because my BF and I just had a HUGE argument about this very topic. He has always asked me to be up front and honest with him about things that were going on with me. I have a tendency to hold back things that I know are challenging topics, or things where I dont want to burden him. Especially with things he cant do anything about. Well, he found out I was holding back on information that he felt was directly affecting him, and our relationship, and his relationship with my husband (his metamour) because I was really micromanaging everyones emotional state. Which is NOT MY JOB! It is my job, as the hinge of this V, to be open about things that affect both of them. We finally got to a place where I was able to agree to be more open with things that were going on and he agreed that he will temper his need to know "everything"...

Are you on the site? There are message boards there as well where you can get more input on how to navigate a D/s dynamic, especially if it is new for you. How new is this for him?

And why does he have multiple women with mental disorders? Sorry, just an aside observation. You dont really need to answer that one...

Hope some of that is helpful.

Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming... ~ Dori

Willow ~ 47yo bi poly woman, married to Bear for 20 years
Bear-59 yo maybe poly/maybe mono straight man, still feeling it out
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