Thread: Just LR
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Old 01-03-2014, 07:46 PM
willowstar willowstar is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 122


I think I understand where GG may be coming from on this. My BF is very much like him in some aspects. From what you have written of him elsewhere, he is a very "service" oriented person, correct? He likes having a task to fulfill, something to do for you? He always wants you to be happy, and wants you to tell him what will make you happy?

My BF is service oriented also. He is beside himself when he can do things for me like change the oil in my car, rub my shoulders for an hour (yes, an HOUR), or the like. If I were to just tell him to figure it out on his own, he would freak out. He would feel lost and without a direction to go in. Now, he is an adult and pretty self sufficient in most ways, but when it comes to romantic relationships, if he does not feel like he is meeting his partners needs, his self esteem is totally shot.

I completely understand where you are coming from too, I have felt much the same. (I dont always want to TELL him what to do for me, I sometimes want him to surprise me or think of it on HIS OWN. right?) We DO want to be in relationships with adults and not children who always need direction...

What if you were able to write down, on index cards or something, some ideas of things you would like? And he could have access to them and choose from them, without you knowing what it was? He would have a sense of direction, and you would get your service without having to order it up? I recently discussed this option with both of my guys in relation to meeting some sexual needs and we are looking forward to seeing how that works for us (both my guys are tops but not really doms, and so in order for me to be able to really "sub" to them, they need instructions but I need to not know what they are doing, i.e.- no "recipe"...) You could tell him to choose one of those things once a week?

Also, like you have said, there has been no drama for you guys recently. He may not really know HOW to be in relationship when there are no "issues" to be dealt with. You have been married with Maca a long time and GG has not been married to anyone? He might just not know...

I dont know if any of this is helpful at all, but I wish you all love for the new year. Thank you for sharing your story with us. As always, it is good to know how people are "really" doing poly on a daily basis...

Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming... ~ Dori

Willow ~ 47yo bi poly woman, married to Bear for 20 years
Bear-59 yo maybe poly/maybe mono straight man, still feeling it out
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