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Old 01-02-2014, 10:22 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,219

It is ok in the moment to say "I don't know what I need right now. I am upset. But I know that I do not need humor stuff. I see you are trying to help, but really I just need a time out to gather myself together. When could I call you later? Is 8 PM ok?"

If you wanted to just process your anger at the time? And tell him so?

BF: What's wrong?

You: Just had argument with DH. Now I just want to process my anger.

BF: (spending call trying to make you laugh.)

You: I see that you are concerned for me and want to help comfort me with humor. But I am not in the mood or ready to engage in humor stuff. I am in the mood to process my anger:

At this time, I prefer to do it alone...
When is a good time for me to call you back when I am in better humor and can do a better phone visit with you? How about 8 PM?

At this time I would not mind processing some of it with you if you could be willing to just listen the way I want it for 30 min. Could you be willing?

If so, I can explain what I need in detail so you can see if you are able at this time to do it the way I need before going deep.

If not willing at this time? Or not enough time to do it well? We could make a date later to do it, or I could process with someone else first and update you with cliff notes later.

I am good either way. What do you prefer?

There. Done.

Don't lie. Then you get more of what you don't want -- jokey time when you are angry because he thinks it worked for you last time.

Could help him to do WELL by you by teaching him how you want to be treated and how you want to navigate emotional territory in future.

Could not lie to him about your emotional state/preferences and be teaching him how to treat you wrong. That serves neither of you well.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-02-2014 at 10:29 PM.
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