Thread: Super Unsure
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Old 01-02-2014, 06:20 AM
NettleSparks8551 NettleSparks8551 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8
Unhappy Super Unsure

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. Recently, I brought one of my (platonic) female friends around just to hang out. She's always had the dream of being in a triad relationship. Mind you, mentally and emotionally she's very very young.

I allowed them to hang out alone because I trust them. When I came home after work, my boyfriend out and asked me if I would be willing to enter into a triadic relationship with them. I immediately burst into tears and said "no", but after being told that I wasn't seeing the positives and given that I can't deny my boyfriend anything, I relented. We made the agreement that we would try it for a month and if I found at the end that I couldn't do it, we would dissolve the relationship and our relationships would go back to the way they were. While I knew that this was bullshit, and impossible, I agreed against my better judgement.

The first couple of weeks were really hard. It made me sick to my stomach to see them show each other any kind of affection and many times, I would avert my eyes so I wouldn't have to see it. She tried to be affectionate with me, but something in me just didn't want it. I had no interest in her romantically and I was beginning to resent her as my friend.

At the end of the first couple of weeks, they called me out on my aversions and my avoidance. I explained everything that I was feeling-that I had never wanted to be in this kind of relationship ( i still didn't), that I was only doing this for him, and how much it was hurting me. Again, he told me that i wasn't looking at all the positives and how great something like this could be, etc. I told him that I understand what he sees and that I truthfully wasn't writing off this kind of relationship, I just didn't think her and my personalities meshed well together in this setting.

Things got better for a couple of weeks. I was able to stomach their affection towards each other, though it did still hurt me to see it. However, right around the end of the month, those feelings of resentment started to resurface. I felt like no one was respecting how I was feeling. I felt like no one cared that this may truly not be for me and that they were just waiting for me to "see the positives". We had it out and I agreed that before I could do anything I would have to try to change my way of thinking about these things before I could do anything, and then we would see.

I am trying to alter my way of thinking about this. I truly don't think I will ever be able to love her romantically, having thought of her for so long as a sister. I do still feel that I would have to love her that way in order for it to not feel as though he simply has two girlfriends. I need someone's opinion on this. Am I in the wrong here? I do feel as though I was bullied into this. He's the one for me. He was before all this and I won't let this break us. I just don't feel as though this particular relationship is going to work and no one is listening to me.

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