View Single Post
Old 01-02-2014, 04:14 AM
Bluebird's Avatar
Bluebird Bluebird is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 2,452

I had a super fun New Year's Eve. I host a party every year for children and this time through I had 40 kiddos in my house. It was a ton of fun but my sleep schedule is all wonky, because they were at my place from 6 pm til 10 am the next morning.

C3 messaged me Happy New Year shortly after all the kids left and asked me if I was coming to see him at the game store today. That was fairly random to me, because we hadn't made plans to meet up or hang out, and there wasn't anything special scheduled there. He told me he was bringing his games again and wouldn't mind seeing me. He told me, and I quote, "If only I knew you in another life."

I seriously would have kicked him if I had been in front of him. I told him I'm here now and he needs to either date me or not. He asked some more questions about poly and then made vague statements that he's made before - about how he'd be jealous, how he would want a whole lot of time from me. I reiterated what I had told him before, and that I was willing to work with his anxiety if he wanted to try. Then I told him he should try something new with the new year and date someone awesome.

He replied that he was going to and then sent me a sticker thingy on IM and disappeared.

I think he scared himself. Fucking mono guys with anxiety. I have been down this road before with the guy I dated prior to M. The only difference this time is that C3 seems a LOT more into me than that guy ever was. But, I am kind of at the edge of being poly saturated right now and I am not sure what to do.

I have mad attraction and lust for C3 - ever since I met him, I was smitten with him. If he would pull the stupid trigger, I would give him all the time he was craving, I can tell you that.

However, I also have this thing going with A. Honestly, I am not so certain that I could juggle C3 and A at the same time - I think I would have to make a choice between them, simply because C3 is long distance and it'd take a lot of my time making sure he did get what he needed out of the relationship. A is a lot easier, but I am still not feeling rip-my-clothes-off passion for him. I think another date or so might kindle that though. It is getting close.

I have this guy that I am dying to meet on OKC that I have been messaging a lot - he just gave me his number today. Anyway, he is north and another long distance option. He is married and poly and he would do well in conjunction with A as my primary boyfriend, if things work out when I finally meet him in person.

C3 would be looking to be mono with me, so I am not sure I could have a 3rd with him. And, if he is honest about what time he wants, I wouldn't necessarily even need a third, which is what I haven't really wanted at all.

B is still sort of on the back burner as well. His communication is still spotty. He would be a good third with A as well, or maybe even C3, since B doesn't have a whole lot of time to see me much it seems.

Then X from two nights ago has been messaging me, and he just asked me for another date. I don't even know what to say to him. I kinda want to keep him hanging, but that isn't really kind.

Reading this over, I can see how it ends. C3 is either going to either flake out again and make me nuts or get his act together, only to make me nuts later. I had resolved to try and push him into the friendzone, but his level of communication had picked up, and now I am hopeful again. Ugh. I just messaged him, asking if he was going to be around Friday and Saturday. The tournament may be rescheduled again for Saturday, so I need to see if ai can go up there to see him two times in a row, or if I even should. No response so far. We will see, I suppose.

Oh, and the guy from the game store that works there sent me a pic and we have dialogues some about poly and dating. I told him straight up that I had been lusting for C3 for a while. He thanked me for being honest about ipthings and what I was looking for. He told me he hadn't ever thought about poly as an option. That isn't surprising, seeing as I hadn't thought of it myself before this past August.

Oh well. I have decided to make 2014 my year for joy and optimism and even though I am all confuzzled and stressed here in my blog, in real life I am maintaining excitement and happiness that I have all these options that I never thought I would have to consider. That's pretty awesome, even if now in the short term it is stressful.

I have an earworm this week - Love Someboy by Maroon 5. It sums up my feelings for both C3 and A right now, but when I listen to it, I think of C3 the most with the original video, and A when hearing the duet cover by Justin Breit and Nicolette Mare. Mostly because the Maroon 5 video is sensual and sexy and the cover one is full of youthful happiness. Both of them make me very happy.

Truly, how wonderful it is to be a poly person. My new year is mine.
A modern day polyamorous polygamist My Online Journal

Me, center of a MFM V-shaped polycule (40F)
Wife to DarkKnight (41M) & PunkRockAwesomesauce (44M)
Reply With Quote