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Old 01-01-2014, 09:56 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,929
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I didn't expect you to answer me - it was more food for thought for YOU.

Sounds like you both are talking and moving it along slowly... and you both are trying to treat each other well in the process.

How's she treating her dating potentials? Are they aware that you both are experimenting here? They aware that...
  • She wants to go for an "MFM " V-shape and be working toward co-primary.
  • You aren't sure you can hack that, but willing to try and see.
  • How's the 3rd person's willingness to play ball under those conditions?
Quote:
She's prefer remaining mono with me if being poly meant loosing me.
And how does she expect you to let her know this? That you have reached dealbreaker point? What behaviors would you like from her/not like? Have you articulated what your dealbreakers are? And how many of them before you withdraw your willingness to experiment? Does she agree to those terms?

Quote:
I agreed to experiment, that is permit her to look and communicate with potential poly partners, so long as she could agree to start slowly, get informed, and to either pause or potentially end the polyships if I found it was not something I could accept the reality of.
And her other partner is expected to be ok pausing? or ending? Based on your comfort level? Are they aware of this and have agreed?

Have you covered all angles of a break up scene? All all 3 players articulated their preferences and on board with the expectations?

YOU REQUEST SHE ENDS IT.
  • How do you expect to tell her you want her to end the other relationship?
  • How does she expect herself to receive this news and tell the 3rd it is over?
  • How does the 3rd person prefer to receive this news?
  • You each will get your support/nurture needs from ____?
  • What if she doesn't want to end it? Then what?
  • What is the 3rd will not accept it. Then what?

BF ENDS IT WITH HER.
  • How does she expect the 3rd person to tell her he wants to end it?
  • How would you like to receive this news?
  • You each will get your support/nurture needs from ____?
  • What if she doesn't want to end it? Then what?
  • What if YOU don't want it to end. Then what?

SHE ENDS IT WITH YOU
  • Have you discussed the possibility of her wanting to end things with you?
    • To be on her own?
    • To be with the 3rd partner?
  • How would you prefer to receive that news?
  • Do you have post nuptial agreements already in place? (Because if you can't talk about it now when things are good, you don't want to be in crisis mode and THEN start talking it about it.)
  • You each will get your support/nurture needs from ____?
  • What if YOU don't want it to end. Then what?

Just more stuff to think over. So you know what to expect from people's behavior. Hopefully everyone plays ball and follows through on agreements.

But I find if one can't even talk about it -- that's usually a clue to not get all up in it with them. Then you can skip avoidable/preventable shenanigans.

HTH!
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-01-2014 at 10:09 PM.
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