ak - I'm glad that I've "met" you too. It's hard when you feel that no one understands what you're going through. Don't worry about the piggybacking - we're all here to help. I am sorry for the pain you went through with your husband cheating - I can imagine how incredibly painful that was to go through. You are amazingly strong to have been able to forgive him and move on. I'm glad that he is being honest about his feelings now and that you two are moving on and trying to make it work - that's what's important.
Originally Posted by ak2381
I have cried more in the past two months than our entire marriage. And yet somehow we are coming out stronger than we have been in about five years. Amazing how that works huh?
I have said the same thing again and again. In my entire life - I have not cried as much as I have for the past year. It's been extremely hard and overwhelmingly painful to go through. With that said, my husband and I have said many times that this has brought us so much closer together. In the past, we have taken each other for granted and now have a new appreciation for each other and a stronger resolve to keep our marriage together. It sounds crazy - but it's true. We are in this for life and no matter what we go through - we know we will be okay.
My husbands girlfriend has a similiar marriage that yours does. She loves him and has decided to stay with him for the sake of their kids. However, she loves my husband more and I have no doubt that if our marriage ended, so would hers. Her relationship with my husband made her realize that her marriage was not what she thought it was. My husband treats her better than hers does - no wonder she fell so hard. I think that she was starved for attention and love and my husband gives that to her. Like I said, they fell in love fast and hard. But that does not take away from the love he has for me. Our love is tried and true - we trust each other explicitly and without doubt.
And yes, we all have choices - I choose to stay in my marriage. I choose to learn to accept and adapt to this poly lifestyle my husband needs. I choose to research and learn all that I can about polyamory, jealousy, resentment and to find ways to cope and to be supportive for my husband. However, if my husband would have told me 19 years ago when we met, that he was poly - I would not have made the same choice. The 19 years we have been together, the history, the trust, the love, the committment is why I am choosing to stay. It doesn't mean I have to like or embrace everything about this, issues will come up, decisions will have to be made - but we will do it together.
I have learned that I have to focus on the time that him and I are together and make it the best I can. I want to be the wife he needs and wants. I try not to let him see me cry and I am relying on myself to feel better when I do. If I'm angry about something, I talk to a friend about it so I don't burden him with it. I know that I can talk to him about anything - but some things just aren't worth fighting over. I really do have to pick my battles. I have no control over what happens between them and I shouldn't waste time worrying about it. It's not always easy - but so far it's working. Instead of melting down when they had their overnight date last week, I kept myself busy, focused on the positives of our marriage and made sure that when he came home that he came home to a clean house and happy kids and wife. I want him to WANT to come home. Those are the things I can control.
Hang in their ak2381 - and if you need to talk or vent - I'm here. We are strong, we are loved and we will be okay!