Glad you are not too anxious then.
See? Reading the article helped you articulate
what you are after in your situation even if the article did not describe you situation to the "T." Sometimes it helps to have something to look at rather than drawing it up "from blank paper."
You have to know your own wants, needs, and limits/boundaries in order to articulate them to someone else like a dating potential. Then they can determine if they are up for it or not with you.
You seem to have been able to articulate this so far:
WHAT I WANT AND DON'T WANT:
Something like primary/secondary in this article. ...but different in some respects.
We're married, but live more or less like friends. We have separate bedrooms and sex isn't off the table but we've had it few times in the last two years. My husband doesn't have any kind of veto over me or vice versa. His girlfriend has some negotiation power, but only some. My partner would have (same? something else?)
We do not plan to live with a third person while raising our son. I could even see us living separately with other people after our son is raised.
We intend not to divorce.
- I don't want any hook ups.
- I hope for long term relating rather than short term.
- I want to date ethically and not hurt anyone.
- I want to chance falling in love.
- I want my partner to be a safe person with not too much attachment so I can explore my sexuality with them comfortably.
- I would like to be viewed as sexy and desireable by my partner.
- I would like my partner will become a passionate love and friend.
Is there anything else you would add? Is that good enough for now? You decide that.
After that -- just put it out there to your potentials when ready. HOW you put it out there is up to you.
There isn't a big thing to online dating -- in the end when you meet in real time for face-to-face date? It's the same as it ever was:
Be safe, tell someone where you are going, who you are meeting and when you will be back. Meet in public spaces, drive yourself, pay your own way. Be polite, see if there's a connection or not.
- If yes, enjoy and maybe make a second date.
- If no, end it and don't make a second date.
But say thanks for the date either way politely.