Thank you guys.
NY: I'm totally with you on all these safety things. Whether I meet someone in my neighborhood or elsewhere just depends on how I'm feeling. I would never let a first date walk me home. I would never go in a car with a guy I didn't know. I'm probably on the "too cautious" side but if I don't feel comfortable, even don't left my drink alone. How do you meet people in NYC? I hate Cupid. I've been using CL -I don't know if I feel ready for a ploy event.
GALA-GIRL: Thank you for your great advice. Keep more coming! Here is what I think is the difficulty. I don't see my relationship in ANY OF those models. It fits most into primary/secondary...but different in some respects. It seems in that model, falling in love is off the table? That's what I want. (or part of what I want). We're different because we're married, but live more or less like friends. We have separate bedrooms and sex isn't off the table but we've had it few times in the last two years. My husband doesn't have any kind of veto over me or vice versa. His girlfriend has some negotiation power, but only some. We intend not to divorce, but not to live with a third person either. I could even see us living with other people after our son is raised.
What it most feels like to me - is like an "affair" in that my needs (and his) cannot get entirely met, so like the French we take lovers to confide in. I say it's like an affair because my closest relationships have been with someone young and single and then someone who wasn't happy in his marriage. But that was mistake, and I want to find something like that, but isn't based on hurting anyone.
As far as dating, it's not dating again. I've never dated! LOL and certainly not on the internet - it seems people are really flakey and just disappear.
OI wonder what I want out of all this. It may be silly, but I think part of me just wants to be viewed as a sexual object and desired. Another part of me wants a safe person with not too much attachment to explore my sexuality with. One other part of me wants someone to be a passionate love and friend.
Don't worry! I'm not too anxious. Just having fun figuring this all out!