View Single Post
Old 12-31-2013, 07:07 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,365


So, should I respond to every ad?
  • When you feel like it? Do.
  • When you don't feel like it? Don't.

When is appropriate to have an email cutting things off?
ASAP, when you have found that you aren't interested in this one. Don't waste your time or other people's. Just be polite and end it.

Do guys here always email after dates? Should a woman do that?
If your goal is still "most civil behavior?" Stop fretting about whether other people do or do not do.

Just YOU do it however you like -- verbally at the end of the date, or over email/text/call later. Don't get hung on the methods. Just deliver polite!

A simple --

"Thanks for the date. I appreciate it."

There. That's polite. Done. You don't have to make another date if you don't want to.

I'm finding a lot of awkwardness because I actually don't know "how" to date.
I can read a recipe to bake bread and "know how" to bake bread. But until I have actually baked the bread? I have not yet had the "experience" of bread baking. It may take me a few attempts to have a decent loaf. I could bake some rocks first before my baking skills smooth out for that recipe.

I think you could be cranking your own anxiety up needlessly. Yes. Dating feels awkward right now. You just started dating again. There's may be some rocks. Keep going. Your dating skills will smooth out.

This paragraph makes no sense to me. Could be be willing to clarify? I could be wrong but when you write this:
I'm finding a lot of awkwardness because I actually don't know "how" to date.
Then, I feel limited because I'm married so the relationship feels limited (perhaps sunconciously) to me.
I think you might mean this:

  • I am married. I feel awkward starting to date right now as a poly married.
  • I think my (potential relationship) will be limited by the fact that I am married.
  • I think my (potential dating pool) will be limited because only but so many people are open to polydating or polydating a married.
  • I also wonder if maybe some or all of this is in my perceived reality (ex: in my thoughts and feelings) and not my actuality.

Is that what you mean?

I think if I knew how to date, even, those lingering monogamous thoughts go into it. I'm "looking" for someone long-term. Feels complicated.
So you are looking to be in polyship with a long term player. You don't want hookups and you don't want short term stuff.

What's so complicated about that? That's what you want as your polyshipping experience. A shot at a long term thing with more than one player.

It helps in dating life to be clear to yourself about the open model relationships you are willing to participate in or not. Some you might be up for. Some you might not be up for.

Not every date is destined to be a runner of course. But to increase your odds of finding compatible partners who want similar to what YOU want? First you must actually figure out and articulate what YOU want for yourself. "I want these things ____. I do not want these things _____. I am willing to participate in these things. I am not willing to participate in these things."

I think you could be allowing your anxiety to get the best of you. What could help you relax about dating as a polymarried?


Last edited by GalaGirl; 12-31-2013 at 07:22 PM.
Reply With Quote