Originally Posted by nycindie
Here's some advice a friend gave me and I'm glad she did, because I was able to use it and it felt incredibly liberating: If a date isn't going well, or you're disappointed, do not feel obligated to stay. You can opt to leave at any time, even if he's ordered dinner. Life is too short to sit at a table wishing you were somewhere else. I used to think I had to stay "until the date was over," not realizing I can say it's over whenever I want! The first time I did it was about 30 minutes into the date. It wasn't just that I didn't find him attractive and we were not hitting it off - he was also a nut job! Not a dangerous type, just... nuts. The waiter had come over to see if we wanted another drink and I said, "No thanks."
Yes, this. My time is valuable. I trust my instincts.
I recently had a date just like what you describe nycindie. The waiter came over and asked me if i wanted another glass of wine. Now, I ALWAYS want another glass of wine
so the fact that I said no really meant something to me. I went home about 20 minutes after sitting down with the guy. I was able to spend some nice hours home alone. So much better than pretending to enjoy yourself with someone you never want to see again.
bofish, my dating tip is to take dating not so seriously. And for that, it helps to go on lots of dates. I try not to spend too much time emailing - I tend to crush easily on the written word, and have been disappointed IRL many times.
Also: be present. This means really connect with your own feelings about someone. Uncomfortable? excuse yourself and leave.
I had never dated until I was in my early forties. Now I LOVE it. I've met so many nice people. And the not so nice people were very nice learning experiences. Have fun!