So he has started dating and its bothering me.
I don't like to think of him dating other women, giving his time and attention to someone else when he already has time with me, and is trying to work things out with the wife. It sounds like a lot and I fear if something falls by the wayside, it'll be me.
Sounds like it is your THINKS and not his dating that causing you discomfort.
If you are concerned about you falling by the wayside, could talk to him directly and ask if he's willing to reassure you, and map out on the calendar what times are for you. Maybe if you can see some dates on there you can relax about not having time with him.
Im also hankering for us to be fluid bonded, cause I'm the only one he's sleeping with (this is ok with my spouse as long as its just me and he uses condoms with others). Maybe these are two different issues, maybe the are tied together.
So you are hankering. This behavior would meet what need for you? A sense of place, importance, closeness, or value in his life so you can be reassured you aren't going to be tossed by the wayside? If so, could ask him direct for his reassurance that you have a place in his life, that you are important to him, that he wants to be close, that your relationship is valuable to him, and that you aren't going to be tossed by the wayside.
Then you could leave the (fluid bonded) or (not fluid bonded) preferences as part of your sex hygiene practices.